


Every Flavour Imaginable

by darkestbliss



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans, Crack, Established Relationship, Hogwarts Seventh Year, M/M, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-18 10:23:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9380150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkestbliss/pseuds/darkestbliss
Summary: The Marauders have a night of taste testing Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans.





	

_PTHWAH!_ Bits of green gunk flew halfway across the seventh year boys’ dormitory in Gryffindor tower. Peter Pettigrew’s face had turned a bright green as he reached for the glass of pumpkin juice James Potter was graciously holding out to him.

 

“What was it, Pete?”

 

The other three Marauders watched in amusement as Peter chugged down two gulps of juice before his face finally turned a somewhat normal shade. “Merlin’s beard!” he proclaimed. “Who puts _Brussels sprouts_ as a flavour?! I hate Brussels sprouts”

 

“They’re called Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Bean for a reason,” said Sirius with a chuckle. He inspected the bag in his hand and pulled out a red one, handing it to James. “Hey let’s try and each take a bite out of the same one, and then after everyone has tried we can see if we all agree on the flavour.”  
  
“Sounds good, mate,” replied James. Peter and Remus both nodded in agreement.

 

At the first bite of the red bean, James’ mouth broke into a grin. He passed the bean to Remus who took a small bite and nodded quietly to himself. Peter took it next, and a smile just like James’ emerged on his face after tasting. Finally, Sirius popped the remainder of the bean into his mouth and chewed, humming in satisfaction.

 

“Strawberry,” they all said at once.

 

“Lily’s got a muggle thing she puts on her lips that tastes like that,” piped James. “Lip glass? Or something like that.”

 

“Lip _gloss_ ,” Remus corrected.

 

“Right. That.”

 

Rolling his eyes, Sirius leaned back on Remus’ bed, pulling the werewolf down with him. “If you’re going moan about Evans all night I’m just going to snog Remus right here right now in attempts to drown you out.”

 

“Ew can we not,” said Peter. “I’m still scarred from last time.”

 

A smug grin broke out on Sirius’ face as Remus turned a bright shade of red. “You should feel privileged, Wormtail. Not many people get to witness such a beautiful thing.”

 

Snickering, James gave Peter a playful shove. “What’s wrong, Pete? You didn’t enjoy seeing Sirius balls deep in Remus?”

 

“Can we please stop talking about that,” Remus interrupted, looking as vivid red as a tomato. He was staring down at the floor, failing to make eye contact with any of the other Marauders, including his boyfriend.

 

James giggled. “Sorry Moony,” he said. “We’ll drop it. Padfoot, hand us another bean!”

 

They faired pretty well for a short while. Easily distinguishable flavours such as cinnamon, curry, lavender, and banana came up, followed by a few that were still tasty but difficult to identify. Peter swore the brown one was steak and ale pie, though James and Sirius were in agreement that it was Yorkshire pudding. Remus, on the other hand, was certain it was roasted potato. A few unpleasant ones were thrown in, such as grass, sardine, and bogey. When Sirius pulled a white one from the bag, James smiled in excitement. 

 

“I hope it’s coconut, those are my favourite!” He eagerly reached for the bean and took a tiny bite, his expression immediately turning to one of disgust as the flavour hit his tongue. “Definitely not coconut,” he said, letting out a cough as he passed it to Peter. “Yuck, that’s disgusting. I’d say it’s salt water but I’ve had that one before and it’s kind of different. What d’you think, Pete?”

 

The second Peter took a bite, it was spat onto the floor. “Ew,” was all he said before he passed it to Sirius.

 

Shrugging, the long-haired teen took a small bite and chewed thoughtfully, his thick eyebrows furrowing as he swallowed. He couldn’t identify the flavour, though it definitely wasn’t the worst he’d had. “Weird,” he stated. “Different.” He handed it to Remus.

 

Upon tasting the bean, Remus immediately knew he was in a real tangle. His face must’ve shown it too, because a few seconds had gone by before James asked, “What’s got your wand in a knot, Remus?”

 

“Do you know what it is?” asked Peter.

 

Now that he’d seen Remus’ reaction, Sirius looked smug. “I think I know what it is,” he snickered. “Come on, Moony. Why don’t we tell them?”

 

Eyes wide like Prongs caught in in the headlights, Remus shook his head, his blush returning.

 

And that was all it took for James Potter to realise. He shrieked and fell backwards onto his bed, his feet kicking out sporadically. Peter continued to sit, confused, as Sirius stared at Remus and licked his lips suggestively.

 

“I can’t believe this!” James yelled. “This is a sweet people give to their kids! Merlin’s beard! I can’t believe I ate that!”

 

At James’ antics, Remus finally seemed to snap back to reality, and his grin suddenly matched Sirius’. Meanwhile, Peter was sat waiting for someone to explain as James dramatically ran into the toilets. Over-exaggerated gagging noises could easily be heard from the dormitory, and Sirius buried his head into Remus’ neck and shoulder in an attempt to keep his giggles from overwhelming him. His entire body shook with laughter.

 

“I hate you both!” came a desperate cry from the toilets.

  
“What in the name of Merlin is going on?!” asked Peter. He looked between Sirius and Remus, his face desperate for an explanation. “What is it?”

 

“It’s jizz is what it is!” shouted James.

 

At this, Peter leapt off the bed with a high-pitched wail and the least amount of grace possible and darted to the toilets to join James. Sirius was close to tears, falling over into Remus’ lap in a heap of shrieks. 

 

“Keep it together, Padfoot,” Remus whispered through his teeth, though he himself was barely able to control his laughter.

 

“Gods,” said Sirius between giggles. “This is the funniest thing that’s happened since McGonogall caught Prongs sneaking out in just his pants.”

 

“Fuck off, Sirius!” came James’ call from the toilets. 

 

“It _was_ pretty funny, James,” followed Peter. The sound of Peter being smacked on the shoulder echoed into the room. 

 

“He’s too dramatic for his own good,” sighed Sirius, stretching out onto the bed and pulling Remus down with him. He pulled his wand out from behind his ear, shutting the curtains and casting a silencing spell, but not before yelling out “Night, Prongs! I’m gonna tell Lily she never has to swallow again!” 

 

“Fuck. You. Padfoot!” was the last they heard from James that night.


End file.
